Back to real life . . .

Well almost, since my real life now involves traveling to fabulous places, visiting family and friends and working at a different job every 3-6-9 months. :)

I'm back 'home' in DC, and I spent the day getting ready to go back to work and back to real life. My apartment is a wreck (no big surprise there!) and my fridge was empty when I got back last night. So I made groceries and started picking up around here. Cooked a couple of easy things so I have lunch the next couple of days, put new sheets on the bed, etc.

It's here in the everyday life that I hope to make new changes. But it's also here in everyday life that changes are the hardest. Old habits are hard to break. I know I need to start small.

My friends Dave and Karen love me very much. They took a huge risk when I was vacationing with them last week. They talked to me about my weight. It's been my experience that you have to love someone a whole lot, enough to risk hurting their feelings and possibly losing your relationship with them in order to bring up such a touchy subject. It made me cry to know that they cared that much about me.

I know many, most, probably all of you in my life worry about my weight and my health. So do I. And that is a blow horn right there. I spent years not really caring about it at all. But now that I've regained all the weight I lost in 2000-2001, I find myself uncomfortable in my body. It is a new feeling to me. I know that may be hard to believe, but it's the truth. I've often joked that I am a reverse-anorexic, I look in the mirror and I see a 'normal' sized person. And for years I didn't even notice my body was so big. But believe me I notice now.

My life has changed so much. I am open to new opportunities in my life. But there are just so many things I can't do that I want to do. I've never really noticed it before, I guess because I was so closed in by the walls I had put up to protect me from the world. But as the walls come down, I see things I want to do, and right now I just cant do them. I feel sad, angry and frustrated. And I think, I hope, I know I'm ready to do something about it.

I didn't start this blog as a weight-loss journal. I *did* start it to communicate with and get support from my family and friends as I make changes and take advantages of opportunities. In 2000 when I started making changes in my lifestyle and diet, I did it secretly for a very long time. I was pretty sure it wouldn't work, and even when it started to, I was very sure it wouldn't last. My life is significantly different now and I want to take advantage of that difference. I am more connected to the world in general and to my friends and family specifically. I don't want to try to make hard changes in my lifestyle without asking for and getting the support I need from all of you.

So, if you have any suggestions, ideas or thoughts you would be willing to share with me I'd appreciate it. I have the comments set to be moderated (by me) so that I don't end up with a ton of spam clogging up the blog.

It's getting late, til next time. . .

P.S. I'll post a link with pictures from my fabulous Hawaii trip soon!